Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys: Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst on Fathers, Sons, Relationships, and Emotional Connection

Hello everyone, welcome back to Telling My Story, the podcast where we explore real life stories, personal growths, career journeys, relationships, challenges, and the lessons that shape our lives. I'm Henry Chuitulu and today we are having an important conversation about emotional development, parenting, fatherhood, relationship, marriage, and the emotional life of boys and men. My guest is Gloria Vanderhurst. Did I get the name correct? You certainly did. Well done. Alright. A psychologist, writer, advisor, and mentor with more than 50 years of experience working with children, adults, couples, and family. Gloria's work has given her a unique perspective on how our early experiences can influence the way we understand ourselves, communicate, form relationships, and connect with others. She has particularly focused on the emotional development of boys and men and the importance of helping males develop access to the full range of their emotions. She's also the author of the New York Times bestselling journal book, Read, Reflect, Respond, The Three Arrows of Growth and Change. Today, we'll explore fathers and sons raising emotionally healthy boys marriage, emotional connection, childhood experiences, and how the past can sometimes show up in our present relationship. Gloria, welcome to Telling My Story, and it's a pleasure to have you here with us

today. Thank you. I'm really looking forward to this conversation and answering some of the questions that you might have that relate to your audience questions as well.

All right, Leah, you began your psychology career working with preschool children, particularly boys. What first drew you to understanding the emotional development of boys?

It is interesting to look at preschoolers, both boys and girls. But when I was evaluating boys, and here in the United States, most of our preschools are run by women, and so they notice and get irritated by the energy, the activity, the motion of boys. Little girls are good at sitting in the circle, folding their hands, following directions, coloring within the lines, kind of doing all of the right things, so to speak. But little boys like to move around. They would want to go to different parts of the room, not sit in the circle. They're going to nudge the person next to them. And because preschools here are run by women, the little boy stands out as doing something that doesn't

fit,

not appropriate. And so the teacher asks the question, is there something wrong with this little boy? Does this little boy have attention deficit? Do we need to have him evaluated? And so that's how these little boys came into my office. is through preschool teachers identifying them as possibly having attention deficit. And I'll say to you that most of these little boys did not have attention deficit because the truth is that boys are developing at a slower rate than little girls are. So if a boy is about two years behind the development of a little girl, so the little girl can control her body. She can sit and focus. The little boy is still exploring the world around him. and figuring out, you know, what happens if I do this, if I nudge the person next to me? What happens if I use