The Life-Changing Impact Of Showing People They Matter

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Pushkin. [singing]

I remember I was going out of New York City on a reporting trip, and I was a little early, so I went into a teeny-tiny bodega in the corner, and I overheard a conversation between one of the bodega owners and a customer, and he was talking about the clementines. And he said to the customer: "I remembered how much you liked them last time. When I saw them in the fruit market, I knew I had to bring them in for you." It was such a reminder that in this world of disconnection and loneliness, that something as simple as a clementine can remind us that we are valued, that our preferences matter, that we matter. We are worthy of being remembered.

Journalist and bestselling author Jenny Wallace is an expert on a concept called mattering. Mattering is the feeling that we're valued by others and that we have value to contribute.

I just-- I left that bodega with this really warm, deep sense of mattering, that even just witnessing it, I felt it in my own soul.

[singing] On today's show, the life-changing impact of showing people they matter. [upbeat music] I'm Maya Shankar, a scientist who studies human behavior, and this is A Slight Change of Plans, a show about who we are and who we become in the face of a big change. [singing] Every now and then, I get a message from someone that makes me feel especially seen. It's often about something small or random, like remembering a joke I told years ago or suggesting a bag of jalapeno kettle chips after a long day because they know I have a salty tooth, not