“I Felt Like an Alien Impersonating Myself”

This is an iHeart podcast. [upbeat music] Guaranteed human.

[singing] I wanna be loved by you. What is love? It supports us, challenges us, and connects us. I'm Gina Davis, host of The Science of Love, a special by the Science of Happiness podcast and PRX. We'll look at romantic love, family bonds, friendship, and even the love we feel for the natural world. Join me for The Science of Love. [singing] [upbeat music]

Pushkin. [singing]

All right. All right. Welcome back. Make some noise. We're back at On Air Fest. [clapping]

Hey, it's Maya.

All right.

Welcome to a very special episode of A Slight Change of Plans. We recorded this conversation in front of a live audience at On Air Fest, an event that brings people together in Brooklyn every year to celebrate audio storytelling.

Please welcome to the stage Dr. Maya Shankar and Rachel Gross. [clapping]

Rachel Gross is an award-winning science journalist who's written for outlets like The New York Times and National Geographic. I've heard people compare Rachel to Ms. Frizzle, the beloved frizzy-haired teacher from the PBS show, The Magic School Bus. I totally get what they're saying. There's definitely something Frizzle-esque about Rachel's approach to science journalism. Her writing serves as that metaphorical shape-shifting school bus with the power to take readers deep into niche worlds, filling them with wonder and discovery. In 2024, Rachel unexpectedly became the subject of her own reporting when some strange things started happening in her body that she couldn't explain.

I couldn't control my voice. Things were not coming out as I intended them, and my body wasn't moving as I was instructing it. It was like there's something getting lost from my brain to my body. I felt like an alien impersonating myself. [upbeat music]

This is a story about suddenly feeling like a stranger to yourself and the curious work of figuring out what makes you you. I'm Maya Shankar, and this is A Slight Change of Plans, a show about who we are and who we become in the face of a big change. [singing] I, of course, had to start our conversation with a nod to Ms. Frizzle. Um, fun side note, I, too, have been called Ms. Frizzle, but it is because on a humid day, my husband believes-

[laughs]

... that I resemble this fictional character. Um-

Two Ms. Frizzles on stage.

[laughs]

This is very powerful.

I know. I've, I've, I've... You know, blow-dry. It all helped today. Um, it was so interesting because when you look at your journey as a reporter-

Mm-hmm

... you studied fascinating things that I would say were maybe related to your life, but not necessarily where you are the subject of the reporting. And there was a recent episode in 2024 where you ended up turning [chuckles] the camera on yourself because you had something that you had to figure out in your personal life. Let's go back to 2024 when you first noticed that something was feeling a little bit off in your body. Tell me about that moment.

Yeah. And, um, it's a pleasure to be here, Maya. Um, it was late in May 2024, and over the course of a week, these, like, weird things started happening to my body that I couldn't fully explain. Um, so, like, my handwriting and typing started